


As If It's Your Last

by nyoungcat0913



Category: GOT7
Genre: I'll add more tags if I thought of more, M/M, Minor mentions of Youngjae and Jackson, it's sad, really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 15:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17531168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyoungcat0913/pseuds/nyoungcat0913
Summary: "Who would you spend your last moments with?"Jaebeom and Jinyoung have been friends forever but life stumbled and turned, separating them. But their feelings, despite the distance, grew and blossomed into something. But would it be too late to put the words out to the world if they could potentially be their last?





	As If It's Your Last

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this after the onslaught of feels that one interview caused me. Lmao. If you didn't know, Jaebeom was asked in one of those ABEMA TV guestings who would he want to spend his last meal with and he answered: JINYOUNG. He also said he'll eat whatever Jinyoung wants to eat because he just wants to talk to Jinyoung about anything and everything. Also, wrote this so fast idek if I made mistakes so excuse all of them it was an emotion induced writing LOL

Jaebeom and Jinyoung have been friends forever. They shared the comfort of each other's presence and considers that feeling home. At this point, Jinyoung couldn't even begin to imagine a life without Jaebeom and he likes to think that the feeling is mutual. In a friendship like theirs, one couldn't possibly fathom just how deep their closeness really is. Probably couldn't even imagine a relationship such as this even exists. And if you ask their past selves what they think the depth of this all is, they'd probably tell you they don't know. Getting in this kind of comfort isn't a walk in the park to be perfectly honest. Like all things in life, there were a lot of ups and downs from here and there. Their personalities are so different that it literally feels like their trying to feel out something solid in an endless darkness. Especially with Jaebeom, he always felt like an active volcano threatening to erupt at any given moment. It was so easy to tick him off and with his inability to communicate his feelings, things just tend to get uglier when dealing with him. Of course, Jinyoung is no different. Even though his temper is more manageable than Jaebeom's, it also tends to burst uncontrollably when threatened. It was a struggle indeed, to get to know someone and learn how to communicate and open up. Jaebeom eventually softens, he learned how to talk things through and not let his temper get in the way of understanding certain situations. Jinyoung matured enough to stay calm in these said situations thus giving him the ability to enumerate solutions to a problem. They compliment each other that way, when one had shortcomings, the other would simply give a different perspective on the matter and it works.

Along the way, in the midst of their differences, their similarities also lie. The love of art in all shapes and forms, their interests in seeing all these different perceptions about a subject or another, living life freely without being bound in chains of don'ts and shouldn'ts. But of course, their differences also is a complimentary to each other's personality. Jaebeom had always loved the process of filmmaking, from creating a plot, to giving life to characters, to putting it all together in a seamless cuts and edits ultimately creating a series of moving pictures. The emotions, the dialogues, the establishing shots of sceneries we don't quite see often. Jinyoung however loves to write. And like in the process of creating a story through movies, creating a plot and giving life to characters only this time, he loves the idea of sharing imagination with its audience. The joy of learning how they perceive certain scenes in a novel giving it splashes of different colors in the canvas of his writing. Jinyoung creates, and Jaebeom breathes life into this creation. They were a team, and they learned how to be one along the way.

But as always, things do tend to end and sometimes these things are just tend to be paused. Jinyoung likes to think that there's a continuation in their story somewhere and Jaebeom agrees. It was when Jinyoung had to move away to London to further study literature, while Jaebeom chose to study in Busan to learn more about film. Of course they kept each other up to date as much as they possibly could but life tends to get in the way of things. They both became too busy to even think about the other, and even on quiet nights spent in the darkness of Jinyoung's apartment or the stillness of dawn, light slowly fading in to existence in the small spaces of Jaebeom's curtains, they often found themselves thinking about the other. Jinyoung once sent a drunken text to Jaebeom, letters mindlessly tapped on the phone screen to make a peculiar way of saying I miss you. Jaebeom smiles at it that one evening as he spends celebrating with his colleagues when they won first place in a filmmaking competition. He had replied to Jinyoung about the news of his achievements and was sent a video of him alone in the apartment screaming congratulations and jumping for joy, not really minding he was half naked in the middle of the day doing so. But before Jaebeom could even reply with a budding I miss you too, he was dragged by one of his colleagues to come sing with them at the karaoke.

On the other side of the world, Jinyoung stands in the middle of his empty room. The sunlight beaming powerfully in his huge windows. He stares at his phone screen, hoping to light up with a message from Jaebeom but nothing came. So the silence remains, and Jinyoung whispers words to his phone as if the message would reach Jaebeom. After a few moments, he huffs, and marched to the bathroom to start his day.

*******

If given a chance, who would you choose to spend your last moments with?

Someone during a college truth or dare once asked this question to Jaebeom. At the time, he didn't really have the heart to admit who he was actually thinking about so instead, he went with the most generic answer he could think of, his parents. Although it would make sense to spend your last remaining moments with your family, there's always that one person who's an exception to every rule. Jaebeom thinks that it's funny that at the time he was asked this question, a face had already formed in the depths of his mind, a face that even after years since this realization occurred, he still couldn't find the courage to say this said person's name out loud. Right now though, as he clung to whatever hope he could grasp, his face reflected on a window that showed life outside his room, he thinks that now is the time to say it. So he breathes in, the image of a person slowly forming in his mind, like a drawing slowly coming together, colors painted and the sparkle in this person's eyes gleams. He breathes out, a name he oftens speaks of in his sleep, a name he often sees displayed on his phone until one night they just stopped coming, a name that after a year or so without contact seems to still have an effect on him, making his heart race and pushing his lips into a wide smile, "Jinyoung." He says the name as if to existence.

There was a shuffling outside his door. Muffled voices mumbling over each other as if in an argument. Jaebeom considers for a bit to stand up and open the door to let whoever is outside in, but his body fails him. He really grasp how fast all of this has occurred, a full blur of moments that ultimately led him to his so-called death bed. And when he finalls snaps back in reality, the pain in his insides swirling menacingly at every inch of his body, he starts to regret. Not exactly the life he had led, no not that. He regrets the things he hadn't said, hadn't done. He regrets of failing to communicate clearly yet again and instead used his films as a shield to protect himself from that what ifs and should have beens. He was a coward to say the least, to not being able to, for once, be honest with his feelings. Feelings he had so tried hard to hide in the 10 years he's known Jinyoung. And as the muffled sounds grew louder and more irritating, Jaebeom swears he could almost hear Jinyoung's voice on the other side of the door but scoffs at the thought because Jinyoung is living his life to the fullest thousands of miles away from him. He never intends to tell him about the leukemia, never intends to see the person he's loved for almost all his life burdened by the thought of seeing him go.

"Really Jackson? Why are we in a hospital? Where's Jaebeom?" The muffled voice from the other side of the door felt crystal clear. And Jaebeom's eyes flew open at how his name rolled out of his tongue and he begins to panic. No fucking way he's seeing me like this, Jaebeom thought. Jinyoung's voice on an endless loop inside his head. "Please Jinyoung. Just open the door." Jackson's voice echoes, as if pleading Jinyoung to just shut up and enter the damn room. "We won't ask you for anything again, I swear." There was a pause, and Jaebeom figured the change in Jackson's tone was enough to take this matter seriously.

On the other side of the door, Jinyoung stands unmoving, studying the tired features of one of his old friends. Now that he sees Jackson's face closer and clearer under the florescent light, he could clearly see the stress and understood the ugency in Jackson's messages to him. Behind Jackson stood Youngjae, looking the most uncomfortable he's seen. When he makes eye contact with Jinyoung, he turns away as if hiding something that Jinyoung felt were tears as the other tries desperately to wipe them away. Where is Jaebeom when I need him? He thought, figuring just by looking at the man he'd immediately know what's waiting for him behind a door. He considers a prank, which Jackson most often does whenever he comes by to visit. But this building is a legitimate hospital, and whoever is in that room is waiting for him. His fingers starts to shake when he motions for the door handle. He turns back only to find Jackson and Youngjae are now openly crying, and the fear that latches on to Jinyoung's throat solidifies. He breathes in and pushes...

Jaebeom turns, albeit weakly, when he hears the door being pushed open. He gasps at the form of a person slowly coming into view in front of him. He bites back the tears but they still manage to overflow to the point he couldn't see Jinyoung's face enough because of it. He blinks the tears away and finally sees Jinyoung standing there by the door, looking directly at him. Jinyoung wordlessly shakes his head, trying to deny the reality that seems to slither into his consciousness. "No..." he mumbles, shaking his head, "You can't." Jinyoung's voice cracks. Jaebeom attempts to reach out, with every strength he could muster he reaches out for the one person he always clings to. He is right there, breathing, tangible, but felt so far and he tries to reach him as if trying to reach for a lifeline. And Jinyoung finally finds himself to move, sees the hand that Jaebeom desperately lifts just to touch him so he reaches back, his warm hands finally enveloping the coldness of Jaebeom's palm and he cries. He cries because he felt not enough, felt helpless because he wishes there was something he could do. He tried to find words to encourage the person he cares about the most but only finds apologies. So he chants "I'm sorry" over and over as if it will bring Jaebeom back to health. But Jaebeom squeezes Jinyoung's fingers and smiles when the other lifts his head, "Don't." He mutters. "Just stay here. It's enough." And despite feeling helpless, Jinyoung stays, because if that's all he needed to do, then he'll stay. He'll stay forever if he must, and he says a silent prayer with every drop of his tears. Please, if I stay, let Jaebeom stay too.

********

That night, Jinyoung refuses to leave. "Jaebeom wants me to stay so I'll stay." He had said, and urged Jackson and Youngjae to go home and rest. He opted for a chair just outside Jaebeom's room, his duffel bag a makeshift pillow for the night. He doesn't want to disturb Jaebeom's sleep so he could rest fully for the night. He wakes up at around 2am, his muscles stiff from lying in one position and drags himself to the nearest vending machine. When he comes back, he stands in front of Jaebeom's door, quietly repeating the previous prayer he was chanting a few hours ago. He felt numb, deduced it to be shock, because years have gone by and Jaebeom had not said a word about this illness. He had always sounded cheerful, enumerating achievements his movies, ones he's yet to see, and just celebrating life. But maybe that was the reason why he seems so cheerful, maybe not knowing what life could possibly throw at him at any given time gave him the sense to relish of living as if it's his last. But why not talk to him about it? Does he not want Jinyoung to be part of his last moments? Have they drifted so far apart that he's become but a pebble in this mountain? But whenever they spoke to each other, things didn't feel different or out of place. They were still into the same things, still different in certain aspects that each of them effortlessly respect.

Jinyoung scoffs bitterly at the idea that life might have been playing a sickening game on him all this time. He finally comes back to Seoul, and for good this time, only to be met by Jaebeom's weakened state in a hospital bed with schedules filled for chemotherapy sessions and constant monitoring of his health. In an attempt to calm himself, Jinyoung sits at the spot he had slept on and whips his phone out to do research. On the screen, tons of survivor stories are listed and Jinyoung quietly hopes that soon, Jaebeom would be one of them. He locks his phone and closes his eyes, chanting the prayer again and again. Please, let him stay. There's so much I want to say.

********

Jinyoung barely slept that night after waking up at 2 in the morning. Youngjae arrived at around 9AM, practically dragging Jinyoung to the cafeteria for breakfast. "I don't need to have you getting sick as well!" He says, feet stomping on the tiles. Jinyoung lets the younger man drag him along, hoping that when they get there he'd at least regain some of his appetite. He didn't of course and was left staring blankly at the food in front of him. Youngjae threatened to shove the food down his throat so Jinyoung had no choice but to force himself to eat. At around 12pm, Youngjae had to leave for work and reminds Jinyoung that when Jackson arrives in the afternoon, he should use that time to go home and change. He had promised he would after seeing the younger man off, but in his mind he knows it would take a miracle to get him out of that hospital.

While waiting for his lunch to arrive, Jinyoung opted to seat himself to a chair next to Jaebeom's bed and read stories he had once written for a book compilation project he did with his colleagues. Jaebeom smiles at the sound of the other's voice, feeling more relaxed than he's ever felt since coming here. He turns to Jinyoung who's still reading, his face lit up by the warm sun. He finally gained some muscles and a bit of weight. Not nearly the skinny, nerdy looking kid he once knew. Jinyoung had become so beautiful, ethereal even. But some things haven't changed, like the twinkle in his eyes when he reads, his lips plump and pouty, the smoothness of his voice, and his hair softly dancing with the breeze.

"I love you." Jaebeom says, voice quiet as if someone else would hear. Jinyoung stops and looks up at him. Jaebeom has found his courage to say the words, words that collectively describe what he had felt since all those years ago. Feelings that were never said but even with the physical distance did not falter nor dwindled. It was just three words, but those were enough to convey the weight of every beating of his heart, words he often dreamed to come out from the same lips he's looking at in this moment. "W-What?" Jinyoung stutteres, eyes glassy, and ears red and Jaebeom smiles. Even with such a panicked look on his face, Jinyoung remains just as beautiful. "I love you." He repeats the words more clearly. The fear of having to tell it to Jinyoung finally faded out of existence, and is now replaced by a warmth that Jaebeom yearns to feel all these years. It didn't matter if Jinyoung doesn't feel the same way, or if Jaebeom had spoken those words into existence much too late. He doesn't want to leave this regret hanging, too tired to carry it on his own. So he repeats it again, "I love you", for the third time because it still didn't feel enough only because he's so deeply, madly, and sickeningly in love with his best friend. The person who brought about a positive change in him, the person who relentlessly encouraged him to chase his dreams, the person who was there when he had no one, even in the moments where Jinyoung couldn't be physically there with him, he still remained. 

A tear that rolled down Jinyoung's cheek snapped Jaebeom back to reality. Now feeling the complete weight of his confession. Jinyoung's lips quiver, as if looking for an answer. "You don't have to answer me. I just wanted to tell you." He says in an attempt to dodge an awkward moment. Jinyoung bites his lips to form a straight line. "Get through this Jaebeom." He speaks, voice deep and almost quiet, as if he's about to tell him a secret. "Get through this treatment and I'll marry you." The words rolled off his tongue so effortlessly that Jaebeom almost missed the last three words. He was stunned into silence and a beat later, Jinyoung smiles, "I love you too, you damn idiot." And in that moment, Jaebeom regained whatever hope he had lost after his diagnosis. The doctors had mentioned this before, he'd be able to get through it. It was as if Jaebeom had found another reason to live, so he nods as enthusiastically as he could. "I'll get through this and marry the fuck out of you." He laughs and Jinyoung laughs and it was the first time in a long while that everything felt right.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't want to give it a definitive ending since I'm too scared what I could possibly do to Jaebeom (my track record on keeping Jaebeom alive in my fics are not that good). Also, I'm open to answering questions about plot holes since I feel like there's a ton. As you can see not a lot of thought was used in the making of this fic lol. The ideas are there in my head but I just couldn't articulate it enough in the fic to make sense lol


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